SIMIAN’D

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I was so excited. I thought I’d finally, in my own small way, helped bring down the game. The tour was off ! But now I hear it’s on again. Though I’m praying and hoping it’s off. Cos then I can plan a proper weekend with my other half instead of him vegitating on the couch as India loses yet again.

And in all this furore, I’m gathering someone has called someone a “monkey”. Now, that IS NOT ON ! You can say what you want about mothers, sisters, wives but you DON’T SAY SHIT ABOUT MONKEYS, ok ? I love animals.

So here’s the deal.

How’s a monkey to protest this ? Just cos they’re mute witnesses, you cannot go about calling any tom, dick n roy a monkey. I get the argument tho. Sure this cricketer has a problem or passion or pet peeve about backsides. But it takes a lot more than that to be labelled a monkey. Monkeys are worshipped in India. Art from Peru often depicts monkeys. They’re a sacred lot.

But I digress. So, about this tour. Please call it off. From what cricketing history tells me, what with being called potato, to throwing jelly beans, to being called monkeys – is it worth all this ? Guys, go home. Pursue a better career where you don’t get called names. Do something more mature where a watching audience isn’t excited enough to do this:

Still more animals ?!

This is a question to all you cricket lovers out there – is cricket still really a gentlemen’s game? I always suspected it had it’s roots in zoology and my theory is just getting stronger.

As I have taken a long time to write this, all I want to know is, at the end of my 2 hr session, is the tour still on ? Is harbhajan singh going home? Has he been banned? If not, he should be. Because any animal rights activist will tell you – and it’s common knowledge – that you can’t just call anyone a “monkey”. Scientifically, there are classifications. For instance, calling “apes” monkeys is incorrect. Calling either a simian is correct. Get your facts right. All these allegations have been made against you, Mr Singh, by the Australians despite the fact that no one heard it. Now this is what I call uncanny – because – again bringing the parallel to the animal world – An Owl’s range of audible sounds is not unlike that of humans, but an Owl’s hearing is much more acute at certain frequencies enabling it to hear even the slightest movement of their prey in leaves or undergrowth.

Just thought all you cricket crazies would want to know.

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Filed under Animals, My other half, Steve Bucknor