Dear Gary Ji,
So you have finally decided to come to India. You did so many tours of India – wasn’t that enough ? Or are you trying to get into the essence of things ? Cos if you are, heh heh, welcome to the big bad world.
Do you guys never learn ? Didn’t your mater tell you – “Gary pumpkin, learn from the mistakes of others” ??? Obviously you were too busy knocking around a ball to have heard her clearly. Have you not heard of Greg Chappell ? Or of John Wright ? So what is it ? Come on, spill the beans… Academy not doing too well ? You want to bring out a video or write a book ?
I don’t know anything of cricket. But I can spot trouble when I see it. Just the other day, Gary ji, I heard my other half and a friend discussing the demerits of appointing you coach. The would be commentators are already commenting on you and declaring you a failure. The xenophobic masses are screaming for an Indian coach…tho between you and me, it’s only so they know where he lives and when India fails, they can set fire to his house immediately. In your case, finding south african counterparts for the job will be a trifle difficult.
So are you ready to take the blame ? Are you, as your predecessors were, ready to bellow out a call for Ganguly to retire and then be locked in a battle that sees you resigning and writing a book ? It’s a no win situation. But on the flip side, evey Indian will now know you. Don’t know which flip side it is…but I speculate not. I merely present facts as I see it.
Before you come, here’s what you pack, apart from the usual clothes, tooth brushes, floss etc:
1. An open return ticket
2. A diary. Record your thoughts, diatribes every day. That’s what’ll add to your portfolio when you return.
3. Indian Summers: John Wright
4. A few ready quotes on the Indian selectors
5. Your lap top. It looks so cool to see the coach staring at a lap top while the team plays. It gives you an edge. The opposing team gets tense. Who cares if you’re playing solitaire ?
6. Your calm temperament, which your brother claims you have.
As i press publish, I can’t think of much more. If I do, I will add to this list. I will be away from this computer for a few days but when I’m back, I’ll definitely have more things for you. Don’t pack just yet.
Do your yoga in the meanwhile.
After all, as the media reports: Indian cricket is a pressure-cooker world, and the South African can expect to have his performance analysed by the country’s cricket-obsessed media with all the scrutiny of a nit nurse with a fine-toothed comb.It’s all here
Meditate. Or wait – better still, take up a new sport. Golf is very popular with ex cricketers. Try that. Try something. You’re going to need it.
Warm Regards,
The anti cricketer
